Some do not consider a person such as myself as an expert on “marriage.” I never claimed to be but I do know God’s Word concerning marriage. Many of the behaviors and views we have as ‘singles’ we take into our marriages. We remain self-centered, selfish, and refuse to communicate openly with our spouses but what we fail to realize is that God holds us accountable for EACH OTHER once we get married. He expects that we will treat each other as Jesus treats us – as we treat ourselves. Most people do not mistreat themselves so why would we mistreat the one we choose to live our lives with? Marriages are in trouble – not because of outside influences but because of US! The same power we have working in us to overcome evils in other areas of our lives is the same power that should be operating in our marriages, our homes, our families. Where is the love and commitment? Where are the promises we made before God telling HIM that we would do what we are supposed to do as wives or husbands. People look at me and say, “Don’t listen to her – her marriage didn’t work.” But many fail to realize the dynamics operating that caused my marriage to fail. This is why I released His Purpose, My Praise – to admonish singles, marrieds, divorcees, saved or unsaved to pay closer attention to their words, thoughts and actions. Pay closer attention to your prayers and pay closer attention to your spouse and those around him/her.
Many individuals present this “facade” to others pretending to have things in order when the truth of the matter is, their relationships are far from orderly – in fact they are very off balance. Families, Christian couples, etc must get back to the basics. We have made things way too complicated in life – many have become lovers of themselves; refuse to put the past behind, refuse to build together and refuse to live according to God’s standards. I have done the same many times – fallen for the copy cat, searching for the real thing and finding an illusion. Marriage between Man and Woman is God’s design – anything else is substandard! And it can be a relationship full of fruit and creativity if viewed properly. If we sit still long enough and see the attacks the enemy sends towards marriage we should really see that we have everything we need to combat these attacks. Satan is going to attack. That is his job! He comes to cause strife, confusion, division – why are we missing this? Wake up everybody! Just stop ‘sleeping’.
For meditation: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
So many of us – Christians I mean, are under attack in our lives and we do not even realize it until it is too late. We succumb to the deceptions of the enemy by allowing him to lull us to sleep, keep us distracted and use us for his glory. He laughs at us, mocking us because not only does he hate us – he hates the ONE who created us. Satan’s ultimate task is to keep the children of God ineffective. A couple of week’s ago, I sat in church as my pastor taught that satan cannot curse God’s children because he cannot curse those whom God has blessed BUT he can cause us to curse ourselves by doing things to tempt us and because we do not realize who we are – we fall for the temptations and then when the curtain opens and we see the real deal behind satan’s devices, we see that we really messed up and fell for the tricks therefore bringing curses into our lives. Satan doesn’t have any new tricks – he just doctors up the old ones and he is SO bold that he walks right into the presence of God to do what he does. In order to defeat him, we must learn to recognize his tricks in OUR individual lives. In my book, His Purpose My Praise – I describe all of the many times I fell for the okey doke tricks of the enemy BECAUSE I didn’t know God’s purpose for my life, I didn’t realize that I was capable of overcoming satan. I used to be afraid of satan – but didn’t realize that he really couldn’t harm me – NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER – he just used my words and actions against me and kept me in an ineffective state of mind. The counter attack is God’s Word – satan trembles at those who are threat because he knows that if the children of God wake up and realize who they are – he will have no recourse but to “tuck his tail and flee.” He really has no power against God, he makes a bunch of noise, sends his demons and he does have “some” power but for a child of God who really operates in the Holy Ghost and walks in the spirit – satan is no real threat! In order to defeat him in our lives we must walk away, resist him and resist his temptations. His Purpose, My Praise is a relative story about God’s purposes and plans for my life but it took me learning from bad choices to realize just how important that purpose is to the kingdom of God. Because I wrote the book, satan desires that noone read the story. He desires that the book remain stagnant and rejected by many but instead it has been a blessing. I counter attack the enemy by continuing to move forward, continuing to walk away from things that have kept me stagnant and ineffective in the past and I know that faithfulness and perservance will be honored by my heavenly Father. Be encouraged.
“. . . God is infinite so I kept asking how we can restrain Him to our inception of time.
Moses was able to receive within forty days and nights the entire history of the beginning of mankind. So how do we box God into our time
constraints and limitations? My husband and I dated for six weeks before we got married but the problem was not necessarily the length of time we dated but rather the state of emotional wholeness prior to meeting one another. Neither of us was emotionally whole and I did not ask enough questions during this process nor did I labor before God long enough to know everything I needed to know in order to determine how much more time we needed to take before making such a dramatic life change.
Covenants are serious and marriage is one of the strongest covenants there is so after we married we had an obligation to God and ourselves to work towards making things right. We made a mistake but that was not a legitimate reason to walk away from the bond we had formed.
Initially I asked God to show me the heart of the man who wanted to marry me and He did. The Lord showed me that my husband was tender-hearted and loving but his spiritual heart was covered up with so much other stuff that layer upon layer of baggage needed to be removed before his heart could truly be seen. These are the things I took to God in prayer and I asked Him to remove those things and God said, “You do what I have required of you and I will honor your marriage.” He said, “Leave your husband to me.” Months went by and we had good days and bad days. Things would seem to get better for a season and then they would get difficult and I really did not understand what was going on.”
Before I began writing His Purpose, My Praise my life was in complete turmoil and as I kept writing, the chaos grew worse. Many times I would cry, I would get discouraged because in the midst of writing this book I still wanted my marriage to work. My husband and I would argue and we would say terrible things to each other and it seemed as if my writing was in vain but what I discovered at the completion of the manuscript was that writing created healing and spiritual growth inside me. The more I wrote the more the Holy Spirit poured into me and the more He poured into me the more the “storm” inside of me ceased which then caused the storm outside of me to cease. I began to “live well.” God’s Word says, “be very careful how you live redeeming the time . . .” The moments that were stolen from me because of all the negativity and anger I experienced over my ‘messed up situation’ were seemingly given back to me once I began to “live well.” I stopped worrying about missing my husband or what I thought we had together or could have had together. I stopped crying over the terrible things that resulted from our separation and started putting the shattered pieces of my life back together. When we begin to see our situation as a bridge or stepping stone to something greater in God, we then realize that the things we have gone through (whether bad or good) can actually help someone else. Prevention is much better than reaction to a situation but even if we cannot prevent terrible things from happening (resulting from our unwise decisions) we still can take refuge in knowing that God will not leave us in the situation to die. My greatest trial has become my greatest blessing; the challenges I once faced a couple of years ago are now memories; memories that will help me choose wiser. These old challenges taught me the true essence of who I am. God’s process is to tear down, destroy and rebuild. All through His Purpose, My Praise the reader can see periods of time where God allowed me to be torn down, destroyed and rebuilt. Yet through those segments of my life God was still there even when He seemed far from me. The briefest moment in my life which seemed to be the longest moment of my life brought the essence of my life to fruition through His Purpose, My Praise – the written epistle about my life that has helped me to choose life instead of death; to “live well” despite adversity and to acknowledge the faults and frailties of others while realizing that I do not have to take on their burdens as my own and I do not have to allow their insecurities to become my reality. Living well is not hard. It’s as easy as Sunday morning when you put God ahead of all of the things that are presented to keep you from living the life He ordained you to live. When we put Him first, His Purpose will become Our Praise and then we can truly Live Well!
I hear people complain all the time about their spouses, how they wish they would do this or that, how they don’t like this about them or don’t like that about them . . . complaint after complaint about what they want the other person to do for them. How about what you can do for your spouse. Christian husbands and wives should be blessing one another with prayer, support, love and respect. In my book – His Purpose, My Praise I identify some of the areas where we fall short in Christian marriage. We are to be the example to the world on how to treat others and many times we treat our pets better than we treat our spouses. In several months, I will be releasing another book titled Becoming One Flesh. Marriage is what we bring to it and each partner should first be honoring God and if they are truly honoring God they will definitely honor one another. “Marriage is designed to be a beautiful relationship if we acknowledge God’s sovereignty and purpose for marriage.” [First sentence, Chapter 1 – In the Beginning- His Purpose, My Praise page 1] It is not strange that the Holy Spirit advised me to use this as the opening line and for the first Chapter to be titled “In the Beginning” because in the garden (Genesis – which means beginning) is where God said that it was not good for man to be alone – He would give Adam some help, a helper suitable just for him. This being so means that the wife is a blessing or a help to her husband or at least she should be and the husband should be a blessing to his wife. We have to do better and treat our spouses better (those of us who are married and to those who have been married and desire to be married again).
Remember some years ago the song, “It’s Your Thang, Do What You Wanna Do” came out. This song swept the country and possibly the world as we had embarked upon new age philosophies in which people became much more expressive about who they are and what they want to be and relinquishing responsibility to others. Well it is okay to be independent and autonomous and even okay to artistically express yourself; however to be morally reprehensible is not condoned in God’s Word and He adamantly prohibits individuals from doing what they want to do, especially in the confines of marriage. As the world continues to evolve and individuals become more creative with the changing economy, we find that some people have little regard for human life, values and morals – even in the church or the Body of Christ. In our churches, we have succumb to the ways of the world and we neglect our marriages and families – leaving our spouses and children behind to seek our own desires and feed our lust.
“A husband is supposed to cover and protect his wife according to God’s Holy Word. Paul proclaims in 1 Corinthians 11 that the head of Christ is God and the head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is man. The husband should not expose her frailties and faults, her secrets or weaknesses. A true man of God will not uncover his wife but will keep her covered in prayer and protect her spiritually, physically and mentally.” [His Purpose, My Praise Chapter 1, page 3]
When we get married, our bodies then become one with our mates and are no longer our own. This means ladies and gentlemen, that you are to have a sexual relationship with your spouse and God says it is good. This means that it is not your thang and you cannot do what you want to do. In fact the bible clearly states not to withhold yourselves from one another, unless you are fasting and only for a season lest you will be tempted to cheat on your spouse. Now I just paraphrased that scripture but it is the Word of God and God says that the marriage bed is undefiled. Stop making excuses and take care of your spouse. God said you could.
All the best,